The Expectations We Never Question

The invisible pressure women carry every single day.

I've been thinking about something since writing last week's conversation.

Actually...

It wasn't something I planned to write about.

It was something I caught myself doing.

I'd written my usual to-do list for the day.

Nothing outrageous.

A bit of work.

Answer some emails.

Put a wash on.

Do a workout.

Cook dinner.

Tidy the house.

Just normal life.

Then I looked at it and thought...

"Hang on a minute..."

Who exactly am I trying to impress?

Because by lunchtime I'd already convinced myself I was behind.

Behind what?

I'd answered emails.

I'd sorted the children.

I'd put a wash on.

I'd made progress with work.

I'd even managed to drink my coffee while it was still hot, which, let's be honest, deserves some sort of award.

And yet...

There I was thinking...

"I've not done enough today."

Honestly...

Where does that come from?

Because I don't remember ever sitting down and deciding that unless I tick every single thing off my list, the day somehow doesn't count.

Somewhere along the way...

I think we've quietly accepted a set of rules.

Rules nobody ever actually gave us.

But somehow we all seem to live by them.

The house should always be tidy.

You should exercise regularly.

Cook proper meals.

Reply to every message.

Remember birthdays.

Drink enough water.

Be patient.

Build your career.

Be present.

Look after yourself.

Never lose your temper.

Never forget a school letter.

And apparently...

Smile while you're doing it.

When you actually read that list back...

It's no wonder we're exhausted.

Last week we talked about asking ourselves,

"What's influencing me today?"

And while I've been thinking about that question, I've realised something else.

Sometimes...

The thing influencing me the most...

Is the pressure I'm putting on myself.

Not because anyone else expects it.

Because I do.

I've spent years believing that if I wasn't getting everything done, I needed to be more organised.

More disciplined.

Better at managing my time.

But lately, I'm starting to wonder if I've been measuring myself against expectations that were never realistic in the first place.

Take yesterday.

I'd planned a productive morning.

Work.

A workout.

A few jobs around the house.

Then life happened.

A phone call took longer than expected.

The children needed me.

One job turned into three.

By the afternoon, I'd mentally written the day off.

But when I stopped for a second and looked back...

I'd actually done loads.

It just didn't look like the day I'd imagined when I wrote my list that morning.

And I think that's something so many of us do.

We compare our real day to our imaginary one.

The imaginary day where nothing unexpected happens.

Where our energy never changes.

Where nobody interrupts us.

Where every task takes exactly as long as we thought it would.

Where motivation magically appears on demand.

Real life has never looked like that.

Mine certainly doesn't.

The more I've thought about it, the more I've realised these expectations quietly creep into every part of our lives.

We expect ourselves to have the same energy every day.

The same motivation.

The same patience.

The same enthusiasm.

No matter what's going on around us.

No matter how we slept.

No matter how stressed we've been.

No matter what season of life we're in.

No matter how full our plate already is.

And when we can't meet those expectations...

We don't question the expectations.

We question ourselves.

We tell ourselves we're lazy.

Unmotivated.

Disorganised.

We think we need another planner.

Another routine.

Another fresh start on Monday.

But what if the problem isn't us?

What if we've simply been expecting ourselves to do the impossible?

One of the biggest things I've learnt over the last couple of years isn't actually about my menstrual cycle.

It's about the way I speak to myself.

I've stopped asking,

"Why can't I keep up?"

And started asking,

"Was I ever supposed to?"

That one question has softened something in me.

Because I've realised I'm not failing my expectations.

My expectations have been failing me.

They've been asking me to show up exactly the same every single day...

When real life has never worked like that.

I'm not saying we shouldn't have goals.

Or routines.

Or things we want to achieve.

Of course we should.

But maybe there's a difference between encouraging ourselves...

...and constantly moving the goalposts.

Maybe we can work hard without expecting perfection.

Maybe we can have ambition without believing every day has to look the same.

Maybe we can stop ending perfectly good days feeling like failures simply because they didn't look the way we imagined they would at nine o'clock that morning.

💛 Before You Go...

This week, I'd love you to notice just one expectation you've put on yourself.

Not one somebody else has given you.

One you've quietly placed on your own shoulders.

Then ask yourself...

Who decided that had to happen today?

You might find the answer surprises you.

If this conversation resonated with you, I'd love you to join me over on Instagram (@her_rhythm_app) and Pinterest, where we continue these conversations every week.

☕ Next Friday's Conversation...

One of the things I've been exploring a lot over the last couple of years is consistency.

For a long time, I thought consistency meant doing the same thing every day.

Now...

I'm not so sure.

Next Friday, I want to share why I don't think I've stopped chasing consistency...

I think I've completely redefined what it means.

See you next Friday.

Leanne 💛

The HerRhythm Philosophy

We believe women don't need fixing.

We believe changing energy is part of being human.

We believe understanding yourself is more powerful than judging yourself.

Replace guilt with understanding.

HerRhythm.